The Carrot is not personally familiar with Mr. Akon's work, being more of the Johann Sebastian Bach/Rolling Stones/Grand Master Flash generation (a generation that also remembers when the puissance was such the highlight of the show that it didn't need to be the opening act for a concert), but we're sure he is immensely talented and his records will be cherished for generations to come. He also has a nice fragrance called Konvict whose bottle comes equipped with handcuffs. And given his history of doing inappropriate things with minors on stage, perhaps he was indeed a natural fit for the Wellington area. However, the local equine population appeared to be of a somewhat different opinion, as outraged four-legged residents descended on a city council meeting demanding to know who gave the permit for this offence to the equine nervous system.
Witnesses reported having enjoyed the concert...while sitting beside their pools some two and three miles away. But throughout the nearby stables it was a different story, with an epidemic of stall walking and weaving breaking out. The horses are particularly concerned because this concert was merely the first in a planned series of events. One of those affected remarked, "Seriously, I'd rather have the manure beaten out of me by the 'right people' than have another Akon concert up in here." Another exhausted equine concurred, "He's right, that was some bullshit. On the plus side, I'm now 30 pounds off my show weight so I'll be getting some extra feed, and that's always nice."
Responding to the controversy, the city council predictably pointed the finger back at the organisers, who have now received a special dispensation from the FEI and USEF for the usage of banned substances such as guanabenz and fluphenazine to lessen future equine fallout, drugs which they are happy to resell to you at 250 per cent of the normal retail price. They also promised to alleviate the massive shortage of bedding that has resulted from all the diarrhoea, but it will definitely cost you. A special charity event has been planned to raise funds for the affected horses' veterinary care, since like much of the US human population, many of them apparently do not have health insurance.
The Winter Equestrian Festival Concert Series: Sedate the horses and bring your nubile young daughters!
Subscribe in a readerSubscribe by email
