22 February 2010

European Equestrian Federation To Launch Developing NF Adoption Programme

Leaders of the newly formed European Equestrian Federation have wasted no time in promoting their first official initiative, the Adopt A Developing NF mentorship programme. In this ambitious and surely-not-politically-motivated undertaking, a wealthy European federation can apply to the EEF to be paired with a developing equestrian nation with little tradition in horse sport and/or little funding, but having the audacity to claim an equal vote in the FEI General Assembly. The application process allows the more developed NF to pick which country they'd like to sponsor; the less developed NF gets no say in the matter and should be grateful for whatever they get.

The mentoring NF will show its developing counterpart the way and the light to equestrian progress and ultimate sport domination, guaranteeing they will match or beat any development funds offered by the FEI in exchange for a vote against Haya's re-election as well as providing their top athletes and officials for educational clinics and coaching, apprenticeships and the like. In return for these entirely benevolent services, the more advanced NF will promise to never, ever ask for the developing NF's vote on any matter ever put before the FEI General Assembly. Never. Not even on that NSAID thing. Or the presidential election. Not ever.

Anyone who violates the EEF's zero tolerance no quid pro quo policy, even out of ignorance of what a quid pro quo is, will be banished to Nevzorov Haute Ecole where there is no longer any riding but they can learn Latin with this guy's horses. When asked if they felt this programme might be perceived as a bit paternalistic, the western European NFs responded, "What is 'paternalism'?" This entirely charitable program already has a slogan: We want your vote to help you! No, really!

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