26 February 2010

Word Games, Redux

The Carrot has been unprecedentedly inoffensive of late, but now we're well-rested, which is a good thing because we have received some very interesting news releases. Just when a calm appeared to settle across The Continent, the Americans are at it again with their distinctive brand of equestrian silliness. Ready?

According to "The Federation" (USEF), a chef d'équipe is never a coach, a coach is not a technical advisor, a technical advisor is not a team trainer, a team trainer is not a clinician, and a clinician does not need a visa, as long as he keeps his story straight at border control and says he's doing it "for the good of the sport." And the person who happens to answer the phone when they attempt to verify is able to put two and two together and not blow the whole charade to bits.

As well, a technical advisor is never essentially an "unofficial" chef d'équipe, especially when your national coach chef d'équipe technical advisor is named to the FEI dressage committee, a team trainer is not a coach, a coach is not a clinician, a clinician is not a technical advisor, and a technical advisor is never a coach, especially when your NF president is coaching technically advising a foreign country.

We're losing track here, but we think you see the pattern. Just go with whatever titles will show that there's absolutely no conflict of interest, anywhere, because that would be wrong. And whatever titles will keep anyone from getting their knickers in a twist. And whatever will not require too many visas, because double-digit unemployment is against the Bill of Rights, or the Declaration of Independence. Or something. And "sought" a visa is not the same thing as "prepared" a visa application. And when key staff resign mid-clusterfuck, it’s always about personal and professional growth. And it’s always mutual. Additionally, the USEF do not support the progressive list. But inadvertently helped develop voted for it.

In any case, because all these people are Scandinavian, there must be a Scandal in there somewhere. We'll leave that to the above-ground media. Because we only do fake news here.

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