Hallelujah! European Equestrian Federation To Propose Candidate For FEI Presidency

As reported by the intrepid St. Georg a while ago, but ignored in the English-language press and only recently translated with 100 per cent accuracy by Google, the EEF have indicated the intent to put forward a candidate to challenge Princess Haya in her misguided bid for a second presidential term. And here we thought it was a two-horse race between the lesser of two evils.

Dubya is going to have to get busy, y'all. He hasn't even put forth his dictatorial presidential Manifesto yet. The Carrot will naturally wait to see who the Europeans come up with before officially endorsing a candidate.

"Also if yet no names fell, be might already the search for a European candidate, that is ready to begin in the autumn against FEI Präsidentin Haya, in full gear. The wife of the Dubai sheikh Mohammed Maktoum can above all on the voices from Africa, count Asia and South America. 'Our candidate may no coward be,' says [Hanfried] Haring. 'For Haya not so quickly will abandon.'"

"The FEI welcomes this development," said FEI President Princess Haya.

The political shenanigans between Haya's attempted re-election and the re-proposal of the progressive list promise to be fascinating. And just how much money is Sheikh Mohammed willing to spend to get his junior wife re-elected and keep her sufficiently busy to prevent her becoming a political problem at home?


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European Equestrian Federation To Launch Developing NF Adoption Programme

Leaders of the newly formed European Equestrian Federation have wasted no time in promoting their first official initiative, the Adopt A Developing NF mentorship programme. In this ambitious and surely-not-politically-motivated undertaking, a wealthy European federation can apply to the EEF to be paired with a developing equestrian nation with little tradition in horse sport and/or little funding, but having the audacity to claim an equal vote in the FEI General Assembly. The application process allows the more developed NF to pick which country they'd like to sponsor; the less developed NF gets no say in the matter and should be grateful for whatever they get.

The mentoring NF will show its developing counterpart the way and the light to equestrian progress and ultimate sport domination, guaranteeing they will match or beat any development funds offered by the FEI in exchange for a vote against Haya's re-election as well as providing their top athletes and officials for educational clinics and coaching, apprenticeships and the like. In return for these entirely benevolent services, the more advanced NF will promise to never, ever ask for the developing NF's vote on any matter ever put before the FEI General Assembly. Never. Not even on that NSAID thing. Or the presidential election. Not ever.

Anyone who violates the EEF's zero tolerance no quid pro quo policy, even out of ignorance of what a quid pro quo is, will be banished to Nevzorov Haute Ecole where there is no longer any riding but they can learn Latin with this guy's horses. When asked if they felt this programme might be perceived as a bit paternalistic, the western European NFs responded, "What is 'paternalism'?" This entirely charitable program already has a slogan: We want your vote to help you! No, really!

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European Equestrian Federation Formalised; Hanfried Haring Gets Another Job

Hanfried Haring continues to rack up appointments, proving very popular in the aftermath of the FEI president's amusingly failed attempt to have him removed from the FEI Bureau and permanently banished from the FEI Nation. First Dr. Haring got elected to the FEI Executive Board (a small subcommittee of the Bureau), then was elected president of the new European Equestrian Federation (EEF), which was officially formed in Warendorf on Thursday. Said Dr. Haring, "HRH is so screwed, lol" "Our intent is to work cooperatively with the FEI. Look, we even conspicuously let them send out the press release announcing the formation of our federation. And not just because we don't have anyone hired to do that sort of thing yet." Translation: "If she does whatever we want, why would there be any problem?" Commented HRH, "I guess this means they like me, they really, really like me!" The EEF have already come out with their new logo and flag, which look curiously familiar:

European Federations To Meet, Devise FEI Strategy

The European NFs will be meeting this week to develop plans for this new era in the FEI Nation. Certain to be on the agenda are sponsor considerations, next steps following the disastrous General Assembly, and considerable wound licking. The Carrot will be following these important developments for the European sport, as big plans are sure to be announced shortly.

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