In the fine FEI tradition of equine irrelevancy, the WEG should feature the following innovative demonstration event, horseless show jumping! Because who needs horses when you have strippers?
This one came from Eventing Nation awhile back, and as always with EN, it's the little bits of humor John adds that make it all worthwhile:
This video is BSFW--barely safe for work--in the sense that you can watch it and still go to heaven but you definitely don't want a co-worker to wander up behind you because they will not understand.
These guys sure can jump though.
Here's an example from the innovative, mostly horseless FEI photo exhibit and then of course there are the innovative, entirely horseless FEI awards coming up in November. All very inspirational. Actually all this pic inspired me to do was rent Thelma & Louise, but maybe that was the point.
Here's what's hilarious about it, in the fine tradition of the lack of an FEI Horse of the Year award. The "innovative" exhibit named Inspire features one photo of a horse (Totilas, who must really be something!), and 15 photos of people. Just people, sans horses. People with teammates, mentors, babies and the like. I don't get it.
Most of the images unite two people in rural or urban backdrops and highlight the bond of admiration and inspiration between them.
Because that's what equestrian sport is all about, the bond between a rider and a horseFEI sponsor baby. Disclaimer: I'm really not a baby person. I mean, I understand the need to perpetuate the species and all that, but I just like puppies better. Unless I can get my ranking points frozen and then woohoo! Somebody come along and knock me up right now!!!
Commented Chief FEI Yes Man Alex McLin, "This contemporary exhibition highlights the love, respect, passion and diversity that are inherent to our sport."
And simultaneously extracts the core distinct inherent feature of the sport, thus rendering it irrelevant. But "inspirational." Got it. God this is boneheaded.
Dubya's campaign strategy is starting to look very savvy:
In related news, Totilas (NED), deemed the sole equine worthy of featuring in the FEI photo exhibit, has already written his autobiography at the tender age of ten, as reported by Dressage-news.com. And he's got not only his own website but a satirical takeoff mocking his gaits for which he's probably even contemplating a lawsuit (that's when we know he's really a superstar). Methinks he's trying to become Carrot Horse of the Year before the WEG even happens, but rest assured our incorruptible judges will keep their minds open.
I was planning on giving the FEI a friendly reminder that it's "first draft of rule changes" time, just in case they "forgot" again like last year. But alas, no reminder was necessary. There was even a press release about the New List, which of course contains the whole story like always!
The List Group has proposed a list of prohibited substances for 2011 which represents a practical solution that respects horse welfare and ensures a level playing field. This list does not allow NSAIDs in competition, but does allow post-competition usage of certain NSAIDs, specifically Phenylbutazone (bute) and Flunixin (banamine), in low dosages between competitions for the well-being of the horse; but only to the extent that the medications will neither be detectable nor affect the performance or welfare of the horse at its next competition.
But you guys, "post-competition usage" of bute and banamine is already allowed "to the extent that the medications will neither be detectable nor affect the performance or welfare of the horse at its next competition." In other words I think you just served up a heapin' pile o' bullshit right there. That sounds like the status quo wrapped up in some kind of funny business. So what does it mean? Either it's just a PR move to keep pro-NSAID people from fully grasping that nothing has changed (fail), or I think they must plan on redefining rollkur and then banning it what it means for these two medications to be "detectable" (a brief layperson-friendly editorial about this concept is conspicuously located at the top of the FEI document list, further elaborated in two Congress abstracts, pp 17-22). Meaning they would be changing the detection methodology and the point at which positives for these two substances are determined and prosecuted. Clever. NB: this is scientifically distinct from going to thresholds.
We started our Horse of the Year award as sort of a joke, but in our highly scientific poll, a whopping 73% of Carrot readers agreed it was an odd omission from the FEI Awards. An impressive 1% are apparently real contrarians and think horses are truly irrelevant, except Oki Doki, who managed not only an FEI obit but a necropsy follow-up. Our dear friend Felicity Foxhunter has issued a call for readers to consider nominating their favorite equine athlete for the FEI's real Best Athlete award, since it might send a clearer message. Nominations close on August 30 so you have four days to make a pitch for your preferred horse (don't nominate Ed, The Naughty Pony). The link is here.
After a full investigation into the facts surrounding the nomination of Ed, the Naughty Pony for Horse of the Year, The Carrot has determined that the pony was not incorrectly nominated, since it turns out we have no bylaws, or any rules for the Horse of the Year award, having failed to think that through at the appropriate time. Thus, Ed the Naughty Pony's nomination remains in place. (and actually he's picked up four more endorsements since then, tied with Totilas!)
The latest from Ilovethecarrot's production company, this is fantastic!
Rated PG-13 for one f-bomb that I happen to think is practically essential to the plot, but that's just me. If a clean version becomes available we'll link to it.
Of course if you're not in America that rating doesn't apply, but Dubya says if you're not in America, you've got much bigger problems to worry about.
If you don't understand how Dubya got to be the president of the FEI, you must have just joined us, so see the very first Carrot ever and then it will make sense.
The innovative notion of a Horse of the Year award to honor the FEI Nation's biggest star of 2010 has proven extremely popular around the world. So far we have received six nominations for Sapphire, two for Totilas, two for sentimental favorite Oki Doki, one for Zekina Z, a rather touching tribute to Parzival, and one nomination for interweb sensation Ed, The Naughty Pony.
Unfortunately a quick check reveals that Ed, The Naughty Pony, is not registered with the FEI, so we're not sure we can accept that nomination. We'll have to consult our Senior Legal Advisor but the nominator of Ed, The Naughty Pony, should rest assured that the decision will be rendered in full compliance with The Carrot bylaws and with the utmost transparency. We think it's important to set a good example, in case anybody at [name your sports federation] might be reading.
Please continue to nominate even those listed, especially if you have a funny reasoning for your choice, since that's how you sway the judges here (bribes are only possible elsewhere).
Ponies are naughty. Who knew? About a week ago this thing had like 30,000 hits, now it's 275,000+!
We found it strange last year when the new FEI Awards were inaugurated, and there was no category honoring an equine participant in the sport. You know, one of those big, expensive, four-legged, carrot-and-bute-inhaling critters that never asked for any recognition. Or to participate in any sport, for that matter. The Carrot reported this oddity in the November General Assembly coverage, back when hardly anyone was reading this silly blog:
The new FEI Awards were intended to "pay tribute to the heroes of the sport," according to an FEI news release. "Heroes" being a group which apparently includes riders of horses, grooms of horses, and development initiatives, but not the actual horses themselves, or we might expect to see some sort of FEI honour for the sport's rather indispensable equine partners. The puzzled audience was left to ponder the same question on the mind of many an FEI veterinary delegate or judge, after a damn fine filly in need of better foundation garments has presented her steed (along with other assets) at the trot-up: "Was there a horse?"
Horses apparently aren't at the heart of horse sport, but they sure are at the root of it. So we decided since the FEI does not have a Horse of the Year award, we'll have one. We've selected a superb panel of Equestrian Big Wigs to do the judging, along with legendary actor Robert Duvall.
Send your nomination with a (preferably funny) rationale for your choice to horseslovecarrotsandbute at googlemail.com.
And if you are a feed/email subscriber, be sure to visit our home page and vote in our latest poll: Is it weird that the FEI does not have a Horse of the Year award, or is it just us?
The FEI NSAID congress concludes today, the full 80+ page program is on the FEI website. We lowly mortals can also send our thoughts on the issue via nsaidcongress2010 at fei.org, which is pretty cool.
I'm not necessarily anti-NSAIDs (except in combination!), but the issues in Europe need to be carefully considered and whether what is appropriate and desirable for some disciplines is appropriate and desirable for all (most notably endurance) does not appear to have even been considered the first time around. And then of course there was the pesky issue of blatantly violating the FEI constitution (pp 40, 38) to ram it through, that people in favor largely turned a blind eye to. We HATE it when that happens. It also seems to still be largely a debate between zero tolerance and the progressive list, which is a pretty big leap. I'd like to think that a middle ground, that gets rid of sanctions for these infinitessimal positives that are so far below any possible therapeutic level, is a valid option, without allowing administration so close to competition if that ultimately proves untenable to stakeholders.
This genuine piece of artwork was published last winter, and I think it's not only a brilliant bit of commentary but also very beautifully done. The artist is Michelle Guillot, who does wonderful animal portraits and also did a very amusing take on modern dressage.
This can be freely republished but please credit the artist, who retains copyright.
That's a real headline from a recent Marriott press release because of course when the nicest hotel in town is fully booked because they priced their rooms appropriately, they always need some last minute PR acts of desperation just to let everyone know about it. Seriously though, we've seen some great room rates pop up lately (OK so one was a Motel 6), so if you wanted to go to the WEG, but were aghast at the room prices, be sure look around some more, especially for places not affiliated with Short's Travel because there's definitely a markup there. And of course there's that great "sale" on ticket prices, a sale which probably should have happened right after the European Championships at Windsor. Because everyone knows $45 for an endurance race is completely ridiculous. It doesn't matter if it's a world championship. Even for $25 you really need to throw in free parking and all the Pepsi and Papa John's cardboard folks can choke down, or it's still way too ridiculous.
In exciting news, as further indication of the harmony between the FEI and USEF, a statue bust of HRH has been erected at the Kentucky Horse Park in commemoration of all those who did not get busted during her witch hunt term. It hasn't been officially unveiled yet but using our excellent network of contacts we managed to sneak a peek.
Already a crowd has gathered in anticipation to put their own mark on the occasion.
Fans flock to Lexington for Alltech FEI World Equestrian Games
I asked the artist, "Why Molly Malone? I thought she was a fish monger by day and. . ."
"No," he replied. "'Twas bute and bullshit that one was on about, bute and bullshit. But you should never question great art. Simply behold it."
OK, whatev. Sure hope nobody's been stumbling drunk around Dublin lately being told to take a left at the Tart With A Cart, 'cause she's left town. In a reciprocal gesture recognizing this gift from the Emerald Isle, the state of Kentucky sent two drunken Irish farriers back to where they came from. Horses throughout the area applauded. Or would have, if they had hands.
Many thanks to the exceptionally funny Mr Spud O'Reilly.
The Russia Is A Sports Power (yes, that's really the name of it) international forum has been taking place in Moscow this week. Doping is a naturally a hot topic in advance of Sochi 2014 with the entire Russian nordic ski team facing a blanket ban from their own Olympics if they do not get their act together.
Our good friend Alexander Nevzorov must be beside himself because RIA Novosti reports that HRH has done a deal in Moscow with the Russian sports ministry and the Russian NF to establish a development center there for equestrian sport. Oddly, there was no FEI press release on that. Mr. Nevzorov's petition against said sport presently has nearly 1300 signatures.
Coincidentally we're sure, Russia's equestrian federation president Dmitry Titov was selected by HRH to be on her development task force. And the Russian development center will also be helping other former Soviet nations, each of which happens to hold a vote at the General Assembly. And Russia is also for the progressive list. Wonder what the price tag on this little deal was. Campaigning sure is expensive.
A while back the still-intrepid Karen Robinson wrote a bit about yellow cards in dressage and just around the same time I was thinking the very same thing about never having seen or heard of a yellow card being successfully awarded in FEI dressage competition. That's odd. "Muckrakers" must think alike. In eventing by comparison they seem to give them out like candy, although often for subjectively assessed dangerous riding which is an offense exclusive to eventing. In the other disciplines it's either abuse of horse or the oh-so-much-more-fun abuse of official. Or smoking in the stables.
The FEI website backs this up as there is not even a heading for dressage suggesting that indeed, no one in dressage has ever done anything wrong. That's funny. But not as funny as yesterday's post on Eventing Nation, Monday Fun With FEI Yellow Cards, by JER from the Chronicle bulletin board, who is a great writer and a true star of Internet-public. Since we here at The Carrot are not journalists, that makes us proud card-carrying members of Internet-public as well, and we feel it's important to recognize excellence when we see it. It was this very same gathering place of Internet-public that brought us the genius known as Rollkur Barbie.
As for poor behavior by Germans at Aachen, well, eurodressage is your go-to source anytime you feel the need to really vent about something, I mean really cut loose. If you didn't see the one about the WEG (and mainly some excellent responses) be sure to read that too.
In fact, we're stunned and even gobsmacked at the businesslike-ness of this gentleman. He said he'd have his survey results in the middle of July, and sure enough, here they are on his website. How is this possible?
Interesting to read NF comments. Especially: "The events in Hong Kong could have been avoided." Exactly, we've been saying that for two years. Or for as long as the Carrot has existed. Then you have this huge over the top incredibly expensive overreaction to what was essentially a faux crisis, that can never undo the damage done to the sport. And no accountability whatsoever for the tragically misguided decision making at the top.
More on Mr. Rottinghuis' survey from Around the Rings. Actually ATR just reprinted the KNHS press release, but in this case we're detecting a very low BS quotient of less than 10%, so it might be OK. In any case we're pleased that Ed Hula and Co. are even slightly interested in this little FEI election thing, so we thought we'd send a tiny amount of traffic to their website. Here's another article on the survey from Horsetalk. And we must say shame on the shocking 72% of national federations who did not even bother to participate in Mr. Rottinghuis' survey. What's that saying? You get the government you deserve. Here's somebody trying (apparently at his personal expense) to figure out what YOU want done, to help YOU, and. . .you guys just suck, really.
Lest we seem biased or something, we should include equal coverage of all the campaigns, but that's unlikely to happen. Dubya of course still needs to get his rear in gear with the belated launch of his manifesto which we might have to make a movie about. Readers may have heard that HRH was recently campaigning hard on a development tour in the Caribbean. Here she is in Trinidad and Tobago:
And hello to the good people there at Good Relations, since they are always so keen to read what we have to say about Mr. Rottinghuis.
Returning to our intended specialty of creating the fake news, rather than explaining fake news from other sources, HRH Princess Haya has added to her Team Harmony string of international show jumpers. The Carrot has learned exclusively of the exciting and surely expensive purchase of Jane Richard's intriguing World Cup ride, Zekina Z. Renowned since Geneva for her ability to pass any veterinary inspection despite having been crippled since Tuesday, Zekina is sure to be a valuable contributor to Team Harmony, an initiative of the late King Hussein of Jordan.
No word yet on who will get the ride on the stoic creature, is it possible that HRH has a "comeback" in mind for 2012? This chestnut mare's extraordinary potential to withstand all conceivable veterinary scrutiny will no doubt help the princess in any last minute quest to earn her FEI Certificate of crash-and-burn Capability.
After a pricey name change on her passport, the mare will henceforth compete under the name Team Harmony Crippled Since Tuesday, to serve as a veritable mascot of HRH's strong commitment to protecting horse welfare at all major FEI events.
So we knew these kids were up to something based on the wonky press releases, we just really needed to either see the actual ruling, or have them refuse to publish the ruling, to confirm it. If they had refused to promptly publish the ruling after we asked so nicely last Wednesday, the Carrot would have taken that as enough of an answer to publicly pose the questions immediately raised by the oddities in the press releases, in context with the oddity of how this whole thing has been handled. We never expected the actual ruling to see the light of day. But then. . .they published the ruling.
Oh, my.
Just as we suspected, the actual ruling did not match the bullshit served up in the press releases. Why on earth did you guys publish that? How stupid do you think we are? Either the USEFEI is far more stupid than we realized, or they are just incredibly brazen because they know it will never be reported on and they will never be called out on duping almost the entire FEI Nation into believing there was actually a judicial proceeding in favor of McLain Ward.
We were thinking that FEI dark horse candidate Henk Rottinghuis (NED) really needed to post some videos on his website, so that people can feel they are getting to know him more than they would just by reading what he has to say. Et voilà:
The more videos the better; we hope when he has digested the results of his survey he will comment on different issues in further video clips. In order to want to vote for him people need to hear him speak. We are particularly interested in learning more about the consolidation of the Dutch federation and what he might have learned from that process. He has also posted an English translation of a Hoefslag article about his candidacy, and was interviewed by Phelps Sports (subscription required). Here are some of his policy and management ideas.
Sven Holmberg has formally sent out his platform to the NFs, as reported by dressage-news.com, which has been a great source for election news, and further elaborated by Horsetalk, another great source of election news. (what has now gone to the NFs looks to be the same thing published on his website and passed around by email in May). And we would love to see a video from him as well, even though the FEI Nation already knows him far more than Mr. Rottinghuis. Mr. Holmberg is keen on the FEI restructuring but like many at last year's General Assembly appears to take issue with prior efforts. Readers may recall the last attempted FEI restructuring was shot down in Copenhagen 49-48, well short of the two-thirds majority required to amend the Statutes. That proposal (summary here) was the work of Princess Haya, FEI Secretary General Alex McLin (USA), Gerardo Werthein (ARG), John Long (USA), François Mathy (BEL), and Martien van den Heuvel (NED). But last-minute, inflammatory changes not done in accordance with the statutory procedure sealed its fate.
We must commend both candidates for their openness with the general equestrian public in discussing their ideas. We vaguely recall the 2006 Edition of HRH Princess Haya starting this modern and wonderful trend with a dedicated election website (there wasn't nearly so much interest back then so it wasn't that widely circulated.) So there, The Carrot has complimented HRH.
In the aftermath of the FEI World Cup fiasco, The FEI: Clean Sport Division has retained the services of FIFA World Cup sensation Paul, the Psychic Octopus. At each major event, Paul will be given a choice of two chestnut mares from which to choose in helping to put on the proper display of "welfare" concern. Coming under fire for reliance on so-called "anonymous" tips, the FEI emphasizes that Paul's transparent psychic screening process will introduce more objectivity into the bogus hypersensitivity evaluation. These revisions to the Witch Hunt Protocol are effective immediately.
In a last minute addition intended to create a "win-win" situation for all parties involved, or something like that, riders/owners/NFs of chestnut mares who are having a hard time financially are also free to propose their steeds for consideration by Paul, who will nevertheless demonstrate the utmost integrity in not being swayed by financial need while determining who is and is not probably hypersensitive.
Paul's appointment was recommended by the Stevens Commission. Or the Clean Sport Commission. Or some shadowy undisclosed conflux of two somewhat nebulous commissions which were "dovetailed" for the purpose of drastically increased bullshit dissemination last year. In any case, some really important people who have the ear of HRH thought it would be a SUPER idea. And you should too.
Many thanks to Horsetalk’s four-legged blogger Geldoff, and of course to Paul himself, for inspiring this entirely fictional story.
Dubya's back, y'all. A purported Carrot fan sent us some kind of unusual emails with some kind of scary looking links that we were all afraid to click on, we thought it was a stalker trying to harm the Carrot with a nasty virus or something. But then we looked up the site and it's fantastic. It might be the best thing that ever happened to The Carrot. Just imagine the potential! The now confirmed Carrot fan and genius "I Love the Carrot" (lol) made this first creation with many we're sure to follow. (/hint)
Like we need another time waster here.
Here's the (confirmed safe) link to I Love the Carrot's sure to be productive xtranormal.com production company. http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6773661
Rated PG-13 for profanity (there's a "clean" version posted at the link, but that's not as funny for some reason)
