And The London 2012 Mascot Is . . . A Cyclops

The London 2012 mascots have been unveiled, one for the Olympics and one for the Paralympics.

"Organizers hope the mascots will receive a more positive reaction than the London 2012 logo, which was widely panned when it was unveiled in 2007 and was even blamed for triggering seizures among some television viewers."

"We've talked to lots of children and they don't want cuddly toys," London 2012 organizing committee chairman Sebastian Coe said. "They want something they can interact with and something with a good story behind it." Well it's definitely not cuddly.

They put out a video that is even more bizarre than it is cheesy. Maybe this will all make sense with some really good pot.

Somewhere in America's Bible Belt, an evangelical preacher is furiously at work to decide which one is gay. And there's not a man-purse in sight.

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The Carrot Sells Out

The Carrot may be coming soon to a major equestrian publication, suitably toned down for a real media platform, of course. Look for upcoming features in which we applaud bullshit, look the other way at outrageous political shenanigans, fawn over anyone in a position of authority, and compliment HRH's outfits and hairstyles. Because we've got a good thing, and it's time to cash in.

Patches The Coolest Horse Says "Don't Forget About Me!"

Horse and Hound Grows A Pair (We Like It)

Publishing an article by Pippa Cuckson, Horse and Hound has gotten a bit saucy about the FEI presidential election. We didn't know they had it in them.

Asked about the election Princess Haya told H&H:
"An election that focuses on ways to strengthen,
improve and unify our federation is good for the
FEI and our sport."

Readers may recall HRH putting forth to the NFs an election "Manifesto." And the rest is history, thank you Simon Brooks-Ward. It disappeared from just about everywhere online, we can't imagine why (see prior story). But the reliably saucy Aussies still have a copy posted even though it's barely readable.

It's great that Sven Holmberg has already published an outline of his intentions. We haven't had a chance to read it yet and it's probably just a bunch of vague bullshit but at least he didn't call it a "Manifesto." But that it is published at all is modern. This is good. Progress has been made.

There's also contact information on there for Mr. Holmberg so you can ask him really important questions like, "Do you think it's appropriate for the FEI president to be meeting with officials in the middle of a major event and where is that role stated in the president's job description?" (see prior story)

No word yet on if HRH will recycle her old Manifesto or if the comedy gods will bless us with a new one. She did sort of promise not to screw anything else up: "My goal now is a period of calm to build on the progress we have made together."  Somehow, we're not convinced. Especially because that comment was published on March 31 and then there was that little World Cup thing just two weeks later. And somehow, we doubt all that money is going to NOT try to get endurance into the Olympics regardless of what discipline has to be sacrificed. Best to wait until you get a second term for that. Heads: eventing, tails: dressage!

Breyer Introduces Sapphire Model

As reported by hunterjumpernews.com, the new Breyer Sapphire model will be unveiled Saturday at the Old Salem Farm show in North Salem, New York. Breyer guarantees that all Sapphire models will arrive fully "fit to compete" in whatever silly competitions those obsessed model horse collectors are into these days. Unless the FEI president interferes based on gossip that the model horse exhibitor is cheating in which case the model Sapphire will be retroactively eliminated and disqualified for unsoundness and have to forfeit any prizes already won. No refunds will be given by Breyer even if the mare is found to be unfit to compete in model horse competitions through no fault of the exhibitor.

Not that they're accusing anyone of anything.
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Lukas The Wonder Horse

Horsetalk reports that former racehorse Lukas has failed miserably at being ridden but has learned all sorts of other tricks on his way to becoming the world's brainiest equine. But if he doesn't learn Latin, he's never going to impress the intelligentsia.

Lukas, now 17, is living proof that horses can have a life beyond the racetrack, even if it means following more cerebral pursuits.

To date, his repertoire includes smiling, posing, nodding yes and shaking his head no, a dry and wet kiss, fetching, being "blindfolded", catching, yawning, saluting, pedestal work, a Spanish Walk (forward and backward), the stay and come, jambet (a three-legged pivot), curtsy, passage, bow, crossing his front legs, laying down while Karen sits on him, feet together (front and back), hide and seek (with his beloved green towel), acting lame, pushing a cart, and the rear.

Most of his acclaim, however, comes from his spelling, counting, identifying shapes and discriminating colours.

He did all of that just to get out of being ridden? I once got a pretty nice free horse who just planted his feet and refused to go forward, sometimes he would rear a bit just to mix it up. The girl charged with him would dismount and put him back in the field. He thought he was the smartest horse in the world. It took all of about two hours to break that habit. As I told him at the time, "I've got all day. All effin' day."


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Specially Dedicated To Equestrian Twit Of The Year

Checking In With Rollkur Barbie

Rollkur Barbie was the creation of an unknown genius on The Chronicle bulletin board. The Carrot just ran with a good thing.

Prior stories:
Rollkur Edition
Rollkur. Again.

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Apologies

We have a ton of new readers in the last month and apologize for the short supply of carrots, but The Carrot is presently indisposed. I will try to finish some things up that were in the works without butchering them, but it's mostly old news now so might not be that funny.

I came across this video on a Norwegian bulletin board, it's our friend Alexander Nevzorov teaching horses to read. Or something like that.


Two messages from The Carrot: Hey Felicity Foxhunter, get back to work! And special thanks to Equestrian Twit of the Year for killing comedy.
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True Story: HRH Calls For More Transparency In Sports Governance

At the SportAccord convention last week in Dubai (see our related story), Gulf News reported that the FEI president appeared to get a bit off track as the topic at hand was actually "Sport as a Leader in Sustainable Development." Even if oblivious to the common environmental concerns shared by all sports and industry at large, one would think that recent equestrian topics such as white elephants, Greenwich, UNESCO World Heritage Sites, and so on might have been seen as somewhat more appropriately tangential.

"The FEI has such an impeccable record even though we deal directly with nature through the involvement of animals in our sport. And since 1997 we have had a code of conduct in place," Princess Haya said at the SportAccord International Convention at the Atlantis Palm Jumeirah yesterday.

What???

Princess Haya went on to expound on the fact that sustainable development in FEI events was the least concern for their sport.

"Sustainable development is so multi-faceted and multi-layered. And I believe that the emphasis ought to be on transparence in governance at the moment. I think this needs to be the main topic of the day," she said. "Changes take time and we accept this as an evolutionary process."

What???

So why did she, the president of the organising committee, put herself on this panel exactly, to say that she should have planned a panel on transparency in governance instead? That horse has left the barn, don't you think? And an organisation can't have transparent governance while also concerning itself with sustainable practises? Multitask much?